Things they don’t tell you in the baby books – you will have the highest highs and the lowest lows, possibly all within microseconds of each other.
Super Ups and…
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books – it’s harder the older children get.
You think it’s hard dealing with a baby, lack of sleep and the occasional bed wet
Is something that you find hard well, let me tell you…
Just wait until they are older and have thoughts and feelings of their own you’ll be wanting to deal with just poo!
They refuse what you ask, refuse meals, refuse to clean their teeth,
Oh good grief!
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books is if they have siblings they will fight,
Regardless age gaps or being treated as equals they will squabble sometimes into the night,
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books – that families can change.
You may be a single mummy or dad…
You may be in a relationship, married, gay, straight, adopting, surrogacy…
Non of them is an issue, none of them is wrong or bad….
But the baby books always seem to suggest that ‘your partner this, your partner that’
When life isn’t black and white – that is that!
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books – you’ll have days you struggle.
You love your little crotch goblins and all that jazz…
But maybe, just maybe they could stop being dicks but hey maybe they only morph like that on a lunar eclipse?
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books – they may tell you of lots of pregnancy conditions like endometriosis, cysts, PND or high blood pressure…
They tell you all about what labour is like or should be like..
But what about after birth? What about one year down the line?
What about even when they are nine?!
Sometimes you have little pees when you sneeze.
Sleep deprivation and hormonal may morph you into a wild female…
Where survival is of the fittest Oh Hail the feral.
They tell you breast is best but what if you can’t produce enough milk,
How must one feed of that ilk?
I shall inform you – formula feed, express feed, combine feed,
Because a FED baby is a VERY happy baby indeed.
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books that when they get older the child will want to sit and always play.
Guess what kids, some parents do put this on delay…
Because sometimes ‘just not today’ is because they are tired, because parenting can be tedious, because they want personal space…
This doesn’t mean it happens everyday,
That isn’t the case.
Parents love their children, they just need to leave the room to just be in another place.
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books children using pens unsupervised are fucking terrors.
A pen can cause so much harm in the space of two minutes,
You’ll be annoyed with the naivety of your error.
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books – momnesia is real…
What was the question again? Where are the keys? What did I just say?
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books you learn to multi-task although not always successfully…
A new mother can nurse a baby, play with toys, chat on the phone and plan dinner in their head all at the same time…
They can clean, cook, do the school run…
Do homework, do the washing…
They can shower themselves in two minutes.
Granted, things 100% don’t always get done.
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books – any time away from the children is a holiday.
“Hey kids Nana is sitting for you while I pop to the shops!”
“Bye kids, guess I better hop, hop, hop!
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books – meals out with the children is more stressful than being at home,
Because “oh look one of the children are having a tantrum, the other one hates the food, the other one gone on a roam.”
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books – that sleep when the baby sleeps is total utter shit.
If you’re a single parent, partner working, no extra help and meals to be cooked…
How can you rest, you’re totally fucked.
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books – self care is hard post birth.
Making sure you eat right, rest and to remember your emotional needs isn’t something everyone can succeed.
You may be lucky and bounce back to your pre-baby body but others can be years or never, may take a while til they truly feel themselves.
A mother may get Hemorrhoids. Stretch Marks. Muffin Top.
But that’s ok, that’s fine, you made a human try not to dwell.
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books – baby proof all you like but the baby will always find the one thing that wasn’t!
Also, they don’t always play with the expensive baby toys so don’t bother.
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books – you become insanely paranoid as every toy, blanket, crib is a potential threat to your baby’s well-being.
It’s fine to worry but you know what you’re seeing
Self doubt is a treacherous thing plus it’s transferring!
Things they don’t tell you in the baby books that parenting can – excuse my french – fucking suck.
And sometimes it’s like being hit with all the love… And a truck