I hate being a mum.

I’ve struggled this week being a parent.
The kids argue.

The kids won’t sleep.

The kids won’t eat.

It’s 3am and I’ve dealt with a screaming baby all night.

I regret being a mother sometimes.

I hate being a mum sometimes.
That’s the reality of being a single mum, for me.
I see parents on the school run happy, chirpy and enthusiastic to see their children – I’m not that mum and I don’t think I’m maternal enough to be.
I’m not chirpy. Or happy. Or enthusiastic.

My children deserve better and they deserve a mother who is excited and interested in their projects and school life.
But I’m tired. I’m tired of trying every day. Of work. Of house cleaning. Of pretending I know what I’m doing as I don’t.
I’m too tired. I’m too sick… Sick of having to always do things. To keep a house tidy. To try and cook meals every day that they won’t fucking eat. To deal with the arguments. The temper tantrums. The ‘I don’t like you.’
I can’t cope. I can’t deal with the exhaustion of every day being fucking shit.

Because it is, parenting is fucking shit. Yes, I should appreciate them being small – they aren’t small for long. Blah fucking blah.

Do I have regrets? Perhaps I do. At 3am when I have a screaming baby and I can do fuck all to make her stop screaming. Or when I’m in town and my son runs off with no concept of the danger of getting lost, or getting stolen or traffic.

Did I chose to be a single parent? I didn’t expect this life. I was a cunt once and believed I could have the typical family. What a cunt.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of trying.

I’m tired of having to look in a mirror to see a face I don’t recognise.

My size is classed as obese. I’m losing my hair to alopecia.

I don’t see people anymore as I’m embarrassed as they have an image of how I look and I don’t look that way anymore. I’m fat and balding. I’m embarrassed for people to see me like this. With a puffy face. With no eyelashes but plenty of eye bags..

I try my best… But I feel like I’m failing.
I wish I was better at this.

 

 

13 thoughts on “I hate being a mum.

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  1. I wish I could say it’s easier with a hubby but truth be told, it’s still f-ing hard! I feel for you because I am you. I clean, cook, work 4o-hours, drop off and pick up the kids, I do the laundry and help with homework. All while also trying to make 15 cents out of blogging. I got shit to do and still, I have a man at home but sometimes feels like I’m a single mom. I feel your pain – you’re not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Bry, I’m sending you so much love. Everything you say is relatable. It’s a vicious cycle with our head space & can feel consuming & like we are trapped. I’m always here to chat. I wish I lived nearer to you to help. Xx

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    1. I didn’t actually expect anyone to read this! And thankyou I appreciate that and shame you don’t! I feel pretty isolated at the moment as everyone is busy doing their own thing whether work or relationships and I’m just kind of here, I need clearer head space! Thankyou for being kind 🖤

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    1. Dear Bryony. I wish I could offer you something. Maybe this. No mum is perfect. Every mum is unenthusiastic about their kids at time. Being a mum is bloody hard. Being a single mum must be even harder. But you are great. You are there. You are keeping them safe. And you are facing your troubles by writing this and reaching out. I hope you have friends and family around who can offer practical help , like childminding or cooking or shopping. Meanwhile your twerps and blog community will be here to support your mind xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh Bry, you’re in the shittest headspace right now and I’ve been there, I know you just need a break from it all and I’m no help with the kids because I’m too far but I can listen if you need to let it out. I’m here for you if you need me xx

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  4. Gosh … there are those days. We all.go through them. Yes it is hard … but only sometimes. I do hope you manage to get some proper rest. Things are always more bearable after some sleep. Good luck

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww thankyou 🥰 and yep we all have a good and bad days and I think consecutive days of kids screaming and no sleep you just lose the plot.. Nearly cried to the teacher at the door as Oscar has lost a shoe this morning and I’ve just felt like the worlds worse parent. Thankyou

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh Bry I want to give you the biggest hug. You’re right, being a mum can be a bloody hard thankless job, especially when you have no break from it.
    I wish I could do something practical to help make things better in some way for you, but until I work out what, you know I’m always around to listen n xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thankyou I appreciate your love and support and in a way it’s nice I’m not the only one who feels like this as it’s less lonely that way.
      Kids are at school now, need to take winnie to a group and then she can (hopefully) nap after so I can sit and cry as I’m just tired. Hope you’re ok too xxxx

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