My motherhood

ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ.

It’s nice to be able share memories and experiences of my journey with the girls that I never got to share before (for reasons previously discussed)

I’ve been a parent for the best part of a decade. A DECADE! I had my eldest in summer 2010, I was young, niave and unprepared for the change of life ahead.

My sister has previously asked me the how I feel with my eldest being 10 and going to Secondary School in September and honestly I’m not OK! I’ve spent a decade maturing with her and I feel sad but at the same time excited but mostly scared.

I think parents, single or not, put a lot of pressure on ourselves trying to balance it all. It’s NEVER going to be perfectly balanced—the sooner you know this, the sooner you can relieve some of the pressure you put on yourself and as a single parent/carer you’ll discover inner strengths and capabilities you never knew you had, each day is a new lesson (same applies to those in relationships, we don’t know what happens behind closed doors)

I miss my babies being babies but I’m excited for the next steps, each phase of their childhood is challenging but growing up with my children I think was the best gift in life I gave myself. I never knew what I was doing or what I wanted throughout my teens, teen life was a messy time.

I won’t lie I do feel nostalgic for those early memories.

Memories of just having the one child and learning about a whole new life.

Memories of learning about myself and how strong I am alone.

Memories of holding my own newborn for the first time knowing I’d spent that entire pregnancy alone, to produce the child to then bring up that child by myself (which I then repeated having Winnie) the most empowering thing though I must admit. Childbirth is so exhausting and painful (in my own experience) but at the same time I felt such a strength in it afterwards.

I’ve had 4 pregnancies and 3 babies and I have good days and bad days. Days I question my sanity, my life choices and generally everything about myself. Then other days I remember what I’ve achieved and what I’ve gone through.

I hope you all had a lovely Mother’s Day (UK) and have a lovely Mother’s Day (USA) – although let’s be honest everyday is Mothers Day!)

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