The only reason I’m speaking about this now after months ignoring the fact it happened is because I had a message off a man wanting to do research on women who freely enjoy sex and those that had been drugged/attacked and unfortunately he showed me the link to the terrible article featuring me saying things I hadn’t said or done. Since then I’ve had quite a few messages off a few men being derogatory and offensive.
WHY AM I SHARING THE TRUTH NOW
I’m writing this so I can warn people of false advertising on social sites for ‘magazine work’, to clear what I actually said and just in case anyone ever wants to do research on women’s experiences and target me because of that article whether to initiate sex or to offend me I would rather clear up the facts and also have no one message me EVER AGAIN about it.
I don’t want to cause drama or insult to anyone (whatever your choices I support them) and I’ve been told by a couple of friends I shouldn’t even address it as 1) was a while ago with it being posted in November 2018 and 2) it’s embarrassing.
However, if I have a person finding said article and asking me about it then it’s obviously an article that people find of interest and I’d rather be in my words. Secondly, yes, it’s so embarrassing. I felt so bad when it came out with both the photos used and the words! It wasn’t about ‘Women positivity’ not really – it was just an article to compare women for a catchy title so they’d get the views.
The reason why I find it embarrassing isn’t because it’s saying I had one night stands (I knew what the article was about) it’s because of the incorrect words written. Such as stating how many I’d allegedly had and just the photo I hate of myself.
On the website there was a man that commented saying “the fat one trying to prove herself” meaning me – I felt so ashamed because he was implying that I was only trying to show ‘fat people can get laid’ but I shouldn’t feel that way and plus size people can and should be able to have sex. Just because of your size you SHOULD be loved or be able to enjoy yourself.
On the social shares I saw of this article (which proclaimed “I’ve had 50 One Night Stands and I Feel Empowered” cheers for that) I saw people commenting saying “she’s a mother of three how can she do this, her poor kids.” I haven’t been in a relationship or been intimate since I conceived my third child and prior to that I was in long term relationships so it made me feel like they thought I was abandoning my children for sex every weekend – I want to say to these people, even if it was true, why shouldn’t a single mother enjoy herself.
The ‘Me Too’ movement began because of women being sexually harassed or sexually abused and I feel like this article (to my naivety) just wasn’t about women speaking about sexual health, their negative experiences and also positive experiences and instead what they did was almost encourage women to insult other women and men to continue to speak to women as if they are no more than just objects – or in my case – to be able to insult my appearance.
Another downside to this article is despite the lovely hair style and makeup applied – I don’t even look like myself, I didn’t even feel or look like me in the clothes given to me to wear.
I know you shouldn’t compare but in comparison to the other women I look like a Grandma, the other two women were slim, very stunning ladies and wore sexy outfits but me being a plus size I was in clothes that don’t fit/suit my shape and my feet are purple as they were cold and jeans too small cut off circulation. You can even see it in my face with the fake smile and pose.
Sex means different things to different people. Above all, it’s a healthy and natural activity and something a lot of people enjoy , whether they find it meaningful or just for pleasure.
Whether you are straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer or questioning, you have the right to decide what sex means to you.
I currently abstain from sex as that’s what I want to do and have done for a while – it’s my body, my choice.
Whether you abstain from sex, have all the sex ever, do porn, have sex in a relationship I support whatever you want to do as long as you are safe and secure.
Types of relationships are:
- Open Relationships.
- ‘Friends With Benefits’ Relationships.
- Long-Distance Relationships.
- Casual Sex Relationships.
- Asexual Relationships.
- Monogamous Relationships.
- Polyamorous Relationships.
Firstly before I begin my little rant:
- Women/men who do have lots of casual sex – I see no issue with, I believe a woman has control over her body and her wishes as long as she’s safe and it’s consensual.
- Women/men who only have sex in a relationship – that’s also fine, it’s your body as long as you’re safe and it’s consensual.
- Women/men who are Virgins – that’s also fine, it’s your body as long as you’re safe and it’s consensual when you do have sex.
THE BACKGROUND STORY
Last October/November 2018 I saw an advertisement from a woman saying Fabulous Magazine want to speak to women of all walks of life to talk about sex for an article – from women who have lots of one night stands to women who don’t have any, said there was payment involved and paid expenses.
Me being me thought “wow, Fabulous Magazine! I could promote my blog, I could speak about women’s rights, safe sex and to support everyone in what they want to do! Plus paid expenses to London and being paid, this sounds great!”
To clarify – I wasn’t paid any money although expenses were paid.
The woman had a strong phone presence and seemed nice enough on the phone but also seemed to be desperate to a story out of me, to force a story out of me that she wanted and said “if you go with this we could get you on This Morning.”
Now, I felt extremely uncomfortable as it wasn’t going the way I hoped. She made me feel if I didn’t go along with what she wanted then I couldn’t get what I wanted – which was really to promote my blog that is about loving all walks of life and challenging differences. I was very naive.
I tried several times sending messages saying “could you say this” or “could you say that” (the truth and things I believe in) and she left me on read after the initial phone call which was the ‘interview’ then when I got to London and was in the Taxi and distracted I had another phone call for “clarification and details,” after which I was still left on read.
I can’t find the advertisement for where she was looking for people but it was on Facebook and possibly in the ‘business opportunities for bloggers’ not 100% sure where but those are the types of groups I’m on on Facebook.
It was a hook, line and sinker.
My face – someone else’s story.
During the photoshoot I did meet the other two girls who were there, they seemed ok they didn’t say anything to me or acknowledge me. The beauty team were lovely, the photographer was so lovely and the wardrobe team, well, they had what they had, they tried and it took a while as non of the clothes suited my apple shape – it’s an awkward shape.
I did have lunch there too which was a lovely, a falafel quinoa salad.
Which I haven’t linked because I don’t think they need the back link and I don’t see the point in them getting the extra views.
‘A good night without worry of emotional attachment’
BRYONY Shaw, 29, has had 12 one-night stands. The waitress and mum of three from Newark, Notts, loves being in relationships but enjoys the freedom of casual sex when she is single.
She says: “I had my first one-night stand when I was 19. I’d broken up with a boyfriend of three years and never dreamed of having casual sex.
Bryony, 29, says controlling men knocked her sexual confidence – but finding enjoyment in casual sex changed her.
“I went on a night out and when I got chatting to a guy and we kissed, I felt like I had this weird new freedom, thinking, “Oh my god, I can sleep with this guy tonight.”
“I went back to his, we had sex, and the next morning I left. I remember walking home feeling lighter than air – that I’d had good sex but didn’t have to worry about an emotional attachment.
“In past relationships I’ve fallen for quite controlling men and that knocked my sexual confidence. I thought one-night stands would leave me feeling a bit empty but once I found an enjoyment in casual sex, I changed.
“I use dating apps to meet people and usually like dating to try to find people I like.
“In the past I’ve allowed myself to fall in love quickly, but now I know it’s not worth wasting my time unless I really feel a connection with the right guy.
How a man treats you on a one-night stand is indicative of what they will be like long term.
“Some guys are rude and demand sex straight off the bat, some want a nice night first and then sex, and others want sex but also to make a nice goodbye breakfast in the morning.
“Sometimes I should be more careful with protection, but I don’t worry too much.”
WHAT IS INCORRECT
WRONG – has had 12 one-night stands.
WRONG – I had my first one-night stand when I was 19.
WRONG – “The waitress”
WRONG – from Newark, Notts
WRONG – “finding enjoyment in casual sex changed her.”
WRONG – The whole story “I went on a night out and when I got chatting to a guy and we kissed, I felt like I had this weird new freedom, thinking, “Oh my god, I can sleep with this guy tonight.”
“I went back to his, we had sex, and the next morning I left. I remember walking home feeling lighter than air – that I’d had good sex but didn’t have to worry about an emotional attachment.”
WRONG – I thought one-night stands would leave me feeling a bit empty but once I found an enjoyment in casual sex, I changed.
WRONG – wasn’t sure how to read this sentence as I couldn’t decide if she was saying I use dating apps to find people for sex but as the whole context of the article goes along that way, that’s just how I read it “I use dating apps to meet people and usually like dating to try to find people I like.”
WRONG – “In the past I’ve allowed myself to fall in love quickly, but now I know it’s not worth wasting my time unless I really feel a connection with the right guy.
WRONG – How a man treats you on a one-night stand is indicative of what they will be like long term.
WRONG – Some guys are rude and demand sex straight off the bat, some want a nice night first and then sex, and others want sex but also to make a nice goodbye breakfast in the morning.
WRONG – “Sometimes I should be more careful with protection, but I don’t worry too much.”
FACT – I’m a mother of 3.
FACT – Yes, I have had a couple of one night stands before, I haven’t even had sex with 12 people.
FACT – I wasn’t 19, I was actually in a long term relationship at that age.
FACT – was a waitress about 4 years ago.
FACT – I’ve never lived in Newark.
FACT – I don’t have casual sex, so it has not changed me.
FACT – The whole story about chatting to a guy, kissing him and “I felt like I had this weird new freedom, thinking, “Oh my god, I can sleep with this guy tonight” is just not true, those words are not mine at all!… Then with the next sentence saying “I went back to his, we had sex, and the next morning I left. I remember walking home feeling lighter than air – that I’d had good sex but didn’t have to worry about an emotional attachment.” is literally something I never said. If anyone knew me they would know I wouldn’t even say that sentence! That’s the fact – I never even said that and never even did that and never even felt that. At all.
FACT – I’ve never had an opinion on one night stands leaving me ‘feeling empty’ – I think that sex can be enjoyable for both parties whether you’re single or in a relationship, if sex makes you feel empty or worthless you need to question yourself IS that what you want.
FACT – after my long term partner left, my fellow single friends and I used Tinder as a social thing… Whether to just swipe men and generally just gossip or to join group chats for banter! I haven’t had any dates off dating apps.
FACT – In past relationships I’ve been with controlling men. That part is true. I won’t ever go into who, when or what as that’s no ones business and I will not mention that on here.
FACT – In the past I’ve had three ‘proper relationships’ which I loved (or thought I did) the person, it wasn’t movie magic ‘love at first’ site where we got married and had 2 kids and bought a house but just relationships that felt right at that time, young and free, blinding relationships that just happen – so no, I’ve not ‘fallen in love quickly.’
FACT – How a man treats you on a one night stand is not indicative of what they will be like long term! 100% wrong, surely, if a man has had a one night stand with a woman he’s liked for a long time but the magic happened that night would mean he would try to woo her, message her and try and form a relationship? Or vice versa. What a stupid statement to say
FACT – reading this sentence “Some guys are rude and demand sex straight off the bat, some want a nice night first and then sex, and others want sex but also to make a nice goodbye breakfast in the morning” feels like it’s come from the Journalists personal experiences as this isn’t something I’ve ever experienced (or most importantly I never said) Also, who on earth has made me breakfast?
FACT – I think protecting yourself from STI’s is very important. Always get yourself tested at the local Health Clinic, for women have your smears etc. Sexual health is so important. I have kids, so for someone to claim I’m out having one night stands then saying I basically don’t care if I contract a disease (which can kill) is a pretty bold, shitty statement (see above image for what I wanted her to say)
Basically if I had 12 sexual flings with 12 people I wouldn’t care if it was true – I knew the article was about one night stands, I was very naive – but I hadn’t and now people are finding me to do research with incorrect facts and then people are writing more incorrect facts.
For my thoughts and feelings see my blog posts:
- I’ve never orgasmed and that’s okay / Sex Chat
- In honour of International Women’s Day 2018
- Domestic abuse.
ABOUT FABULOUS MAGAZINE
An extension of The Sun on Sunday’s popular ‘Fabulous‘ magazine, ‘Fabulous Daily’ launches in the weekly edition with three pages a day.
“Fabulous is the UK’s most read women’s magazine with 2.2 million readers and circulation of 1.2 million, priding itself on its visually stunning covers, high production values, sharp and sassy copy and in-depth interviews. Fabulous simply gets people talking” according to The Bridge News.
- Readers spend £153m on clothing, £31m on skincare and £46m on Footwear a year.
- Footprint – 3m Twitter followers and 13.1m Facebook Likes (all Sun accounts)
Editorial Pillars – Fashion, Beauty, Body & Soul, Entertainment, Celebrity, Real Life, Food
If sex just doesn’t feel right for you:
- You have the right to say no to sex. No one can or should force you to do something that doesn’t feel right.
- Yes, this is definitely ok. Only you can decide what feels right for you when it comes to sex.
- If, for example, vaginal sex is not something you want to do, there are many other ways to explore your sexuality and enjoy a fun and loving relationship with someone else
Sexual activity is any activity that is considered sexual by the people who are involved. It can include the following activities and more:
- vaginal sex
- anal sex
- any sexual touching
- oral sex
- exposing your body to another person
- taking sexual pictures of another person
- showing somebody pornographic images
Click links below for sexual advice:
- How to put on a condom
- Why does sex feel good.
- How to talk about sex with a partner.
- Negotiating consent and knowing more about why it’s very important.
- What is Oral
- Anal Sex
- 100 names for Vaginas!