Domestic abuse.

 Guidance and advice gov.uk

Difficult to write about or admit so this may be written haphazardly as I type my confessions to the keyboard but I’ve experienced forms of abuse from the age of 18 (there’s several forms of course) with the opposite sex and it’s left me untrusting and with a humour as dark as the night sky.

Been in three relationships where I’ve encountered this although my first ever ‘boyfriend’ age 16 I wouldn’t of classed as abuse yet looking back I was coerced into sex by pressure, peer pressure and guilt (is that abuse or youth?) – I’ve not once in my life had an orgasm which I believe is due to psychological rather than physical as for years I didn’t believe my body was for self pleasure. I don’t masturbate. I have zero interest in it now although I’m sure in time that will change – given up the ghost on orgasms. I’ve had two pregnancies I couldn’t even talk about because I’m an embarrassment, a secret that only belongs to the bedsheet.

I’ve only met men at weak parts of my life. After my partner left two years ago I rebounded into yet another relationship where my body was merely used as a glory hole just like two previous relationships before. I’ve been victimised. Hurt. Pressured. Bullied. Yet I kept going back as I felt it was all my fault. I was led to believe it was me. I then tried to take control of my own body throughout my life yet it was never me in control til now because only now I know it’s mine.

If anyone I know reads this or even the people themselves who did it believe otherwise that’s on you but I won’t be privy to being victim anymore. I could write lots of random bits I’ve experienced although I’ve begun to make my peace with it all – it could’ve been much worse. Yes, I had the isolation, loneliness, manipulation, the gaslighting, secrets, segregation, lack of control but that for me is in the past now (it has to be because time heals I can’t live in the shadows anymore) and I wouldn’t want any female (or male) to even feel how I felt yet there’s been far worse experienced by myself and some people don’t make it out alive. The stories I’ve heard are horrifying, emotional and the survival stories are beautiful. Once again I’m lucky my children haven’t witnessed yet they got the undirected symptoms of how I’ve felt, for example, fear of the door or the low confidence which I’ve always had yet I was made to feel I needed a man as I wasn’t good enough, couldn’t do better, I’m shameful. My first and third pregnancy I hadn’t even told people I was pregnant, my second child it was an amazing time to be able to announce and share with the world and for once I felt normal even if only for a brief period of time although that ended because I wasn’t good enough.

My family and I have so much support it’s unreal – we are lucky and anyone eventually can admit and seek advice or help. I did it for my children. There has thankfully been no need for social services and never will. I’m the lucky one. Others aren’t. It’s horrific the statistics.

Fuck you abuse. 

After 13 years of any man literally ruining how I’ve been in myself I’m the strongest I’ve ever been I don’t need someone to define me why did I believe them? The answer to that I can’t even give as there’s so many reasons why – guilt, love, hate, lonely, fear, anxiety.

 

You can survive whatever abuse suffered you can. 

Below is from the site Save lives 

Key statistics about domestic abuse in England and Wales:

1. Each year nearly 2 million people in the UK suffer some form of domestic abuse – 1.3 million female victims (8.2% of the population) and 600,000 male victims (4%)

2.  Each year more than 100,000 people in the UK are at high and imminent risk of being murdered or seriously injured as a result of domestic abuse

3. Women are much more likely than men to be the victims of high risk or severe domestic abuse: 95% of those going to Marac or accessing an Idva service are women.

4. In 2013-14 the police recorded 887,000 domestic abuse incidents in England and Wales

5. Seven women a month are killed by a current or former partner in England and Wales

6.  2130,000 children live in homes where there is high-risk domestic abuse 362% of children living with domestic abuse are directly harmed by the perpetrator of the abuse, in addition to the harm caused by witnessing the abuse of others

7. On average high-risk victims live with domestic abuse for 2.3 years before getting help

8. 85% of victims sought help five times on average from professionals in the year before they got effective help to stop the abuse.

 

You can be abused at home, evenings out, in the workplace, in school, all in different forms whether adult or child, however that opens up a whole can of worms! Some types of abuse are:

• Discriminatory

• Pyschological

• Financial or material

• Organisational

• Neglect and acts of omission

• Physical

• Sexual

• Domestic

• Self neglect

• Online (bullying and cyber bullying)

• Child sexual exploitation

• Child trafficking

• Child grooming

 

Click the following links for advice – Relate.org.uk, Women’s aid , NHS help Refuge
Homestart